Blackout

Yeah.
Lights gone.
Chest tight.
Still breathing.
Blackout,
eyes burn,
demons in you.
No sleep,
no grace,
push straight through you.
Mind split,
heart loud,
truth argue.
Kill the fear,
kill the doubt,
kill you.
I don't dream anymore,
I drift awake,
Hours stack heavy
like a concrete weight.
Hands smell
like iron I can't shake,
Every breath feel borrowed,
every step a mistake.
I've watched life leave
through an open stare,
No sound,
no drama,
just gone,
just there.
People think death loud,
think it scream,
It don't,
it slips quiet,
clean.
Blood dries dark,
not bright like they say,
Sticks to the skin
in a stubborn way.
I tell myself names
don't matter today,
Faces blur fast
if you look away.
Blackout,
eyes burn,
demons in you.
No sleep,
no grace,
push straight through you.
Mind split,
heart loud,
truth argue.
Kill the fear,
kill the doubt,
kill you.
There's a moment
after
when the body still warm,
When you stand there
calm inside the storm.
No triumph,
no relief,
no form,
Just a hollow space
where the noise was born.
I hear my breath
more than any scream,
Count it slow just
to feel something real.
People talk about
crossing a line,
Truth is,
lines erase over time.
I don't hate the dead,
I hate the pull,
That part of me
that stays too full.
Every time I swear
this is the last,
Something in me
moves too fast.
Blackout,
eyes burn,
demons in you.
No sleep,
no grace,
push straight through you.
Mind split,
heart loud,
truth argue.
Kill the fear,
kill the doubt,
kill you.
Breath shallow.
Hands steady.
Heart loud.
Mind ready.
I don't feel brave.
I feel used.
I don't feel evil.
Just.
used.
They say killing changes you,
yeah,
it do,
But not how the
stories usually choose.
It don't make monsters,
it don't make gods,
It makes quiet men
with heavy thoughts.
I walk past mirrors,
don't meet my eyes,
Not scared,
just tired of the lies.
I've done things I
won't dress in words,
No poetry fit
for what I've heard.
Still,
when it comes,
I don't hesitate,
I move
like it's already fate.
That's the part
that scares me most,
How normal it feels
when I do it close.
Blackout,
eyes burn,
demons in you.
No sleep,
no grace,
push straight through you.
Mind split,
heart loud,
truth argue.
Kill the fear,
kill the doubt,
kill you.
Yeah.
Still breathing.
Still here.
Not proud.
Not done.