Edge Off Nothing

No water out here.
Dry mouth.
Cold hands.
Bottle in front of me.
Label says limit.
Pain says laugh.
Yeahhh.
Still here.
Bottle says stop.
Hand says more.
Same old war
on the bathroom floor.
No liquor in me.
Left that years back.
Still got ghosts
in a paper sack.
Full glass sitting
on the table clean.
Never touched it once.
Still feel mean.
Cap twists loud.
Room stays small.
Edge off nothing.
Pain takes all.
Here's the part
I don't say proud,
I don't want it gone.
I want it loud.
If the ache goes quiet,
then the mind gets near.
So I keep one rope
made out of hurt
and fear.
Edge off nothing.
Ache stays full.
Pain is the rope.
Pain is the pull.
Edge off nothing.
Still feel real.
Body tells truth
when the mind won't heal.
Bottle goes empty.
Dark stays fed.
Pain keeps time
in the back
of my head.
Edge off nothing.
Let it stay.
The pill is just theater
for the part I play.
They think I'm trying
to make it stop.
I'm holding it steady
right at the top.
Not too numb.
Not too clear.
Just enough hurt
to keep me here.
Too much quiet
and the grin gets close.
Too much comfort
wakes the ghost.
Pain in the joint.
Heat in the bone.
Keeps me anchored
when I'm alone.
The drink was an exit.
I sealed that door.
Now pain is the lock
and I keep the score.
Sober ain't soft.
Sober ain't light.
Sober is sitting
with teeth clenched tight.
Teeth clenched tight.
Still here tonight.
Edge off nothing.
Ache stays full.
Pain is the rope.
Pain is the pull.
Edge off nothing.
Still feel real.
Body tells truth
when the mind won't heal.
Bottle goes empty.
Dark stays fed.
Pain keeps time
in the back
of my head.
Edge off nothing.
Let it stay.
The pill is just theater
for the part I play.
Sober ain't peace.
Sober is watch.
Counting the quiet
when the old doors knock.
Counting the pulse.
Counting the cost.
Counting the parts
that never got lost.
I don't chase relief.
I don't chase sleep.
I keep the ache
where the truth can speak.
Edge off nothing.
Still hurts.
Still counts.
Still works.
Edge off nothing.
No escape.
No soft door.
No clean break.
Ache stays.
Mind waits.
Cap turns.
Hand shakes.
Edge off nothing.
Still here.
Still here.
Still here.
After rage comes the bill.
After fire comes still.
After wouldn't stop
comes the body's will.
Head pounding low
like a war drum beat.
Tongue cut raw.
Blood in the teeth.
Trigger finger tremor,
but the hand pulls back.
Old self hungry
for the old black track.
I'm not dangerous.
I'm weaponized.
But even weapons rust
when the pain gets quiet.
Inside smile.
Justice served.
Soul aligned,
but the nerve still burns.
I did right once.
Still pay twice.
Edge off nothing.
That's the price.
Edge off nothing.
Ache stays full.
Pain is the rope.
Pain is the pull.
Edge off nothing.
Still feel real.
Body tells truth
when the mind won't heal.
Bottle goes empty.
Dark stays fed.
Pain keeps time
in the back
of my head.
Edge off nothing.
Let it stay.
The pill is just theater
for the part I play.
Edge off nothing.
Ache stays full.
Pain is the rope.
Pain is the pull.
Label said limit.
Pain said stay.
Cap back on.
Light turns gray.
Edge off nothing.
Still here.