I Need a Trigger

What are you
waiting for.
Waiting for thunder.
Waiting for heat.
Waiting for trouble
to walk up the street.
Waiting for someone
to cross that line.
Give me one second
that feels like mine.
Jaw locked hard.
Pulse in my teeth.
Nothing outside.
War underneath.
Every car door
sounds like a crack.
Every hard stare
pulls something back.
I hate this quiet.
Quiet feels dead.
Need something louder
inside my head.
Don't want forgiveness.
Don't want relief.
I want one moment
that makes me believe.
Give me the pressure.
Give me the test.
Give all this voltage
somewhere to press.
I don't need blood.
I don't need death.
I need one purpose
filling my chest.
I need a trigger.
Somebody,
please.
Wake up the weapon
I buried in peace.
I need a trigger.
Something to prove.
Myself to myself.
Give me the truth.
Somebody trigger me.
Bring me back.
I miss the adrenaline.
I miss the attack.
I need a trigger.
Not a target.
I need the redline.
I need to start it.
Yeahhh.
Sandbox dust
inside my teeth.
Radio cracked.
No room to breathe.
Watch and shoot.
Wait for command.
Fear had a purpose.
Work for my hands.
Every sound mattered.
Every step counted.
Every nerve burning.
Every sense mounted.
I knew where danger
started and stopped.
Knew who stood watch.
Knew what we lost.
Now morning comes.
Nobody calls.
No grid to mark.
No breach in the wall.
Coffee goes cold.
Daylight crawls.
Peace asks nothing.
I feel too small.
Do you miss more.
No.
I miss the man
who worked inside it.
I don't miss working.
I miss being needed.
I miss the instant
the whole world narrowed.
One breath.
One task.
One straight arrow.
Give me the pressure.
Give me the test.
Give all this voltage
somewhere to press.
I don't need blood.
I don't need death.
I need one purpose
filling my chest.
I need a trigger.
Somebody,
please.
Wake up the weapon
I buried in peace.
I need a trigger.
Something to prove.
Myself to myself.
Give me the truth.
Somebody trigger me.
Bring me back.
I miss the adrenaline.
I miss the attack.
I need a trigger.
Not a target.
I need the redline.
I need to start it.
Every loud mouth
looks like a door.
Part of me hopes
they give me more.
Every bad look
feels like permission.
Every small insult
starts the ignition.
Say it again.
Step in my space.
Give me a reason.
Give it a face.
No.
I know.
That is the poison.
That is the itch.
Begging the world
to reach for the switch.
This ain't courage.
This ain't control.
This is the redline
eating a hole.
This is a weapon
missing its war.
Listening for boots
outside the door.
I don't chase trouble.
But part of me prays
trouble remembers
my fucking name.
Somebody trigger me.
Somebody,
please.
Prove I still have it.
Prove what to me.
If you need danger
to know who you are,
what happens when
danger stays gone.
I don't know.
I need a trigger.
Somebody,
please.
Wake up the weapon
I buried in peace.
I need a trigger.
Something to prove.
Myself to myself.
Give me the truth.
Somebody trigger me.
Bring me back.
I miss the adrenaline.
I miss the attack.
I need a trigger.
Not a target.
I need the redline.
I need to start it.
Trigger me.
Trigger me.
Somebody,
please.
Trigger me.
Trigger me.
Bring back me.
I don't need blood.
I don't need death.
I need one purpose
filling my chest.
Hand on the knob.
Four seventeen.
Nobody outside.
Redline in me.